There is obviously a sexual element in all forms of love. Sexual love is also much more emotional than other forms of love, at least in adults. The emotional attachment of adults to their sexual partners is much stronger than, for example, to their parents. As adult by an adult, you will never be loved fully if there isn’t a strong sexual component in the relationship.

Furthermore, I have found that there is a proportional relationship between the base level of sexual desire of a woman and her ability to love. I use the term “base level of sexual desire” because I assume that not all women are wired equally. Some are just easier aroused than others.

On the other hand, the “actual level of sexual desire” at any given time, or over a certain period of time, can be much, much higher. And the most reliable tool to raise the level of sexual desire, not only of women but also of men, is language. To talk about sexual topics is an almost infallible tool to first raise the level of sexual desire, to then proceed to a sexual relationship, and to finally install a level of love in one’s partner that will be hard to match by a subsequent lover … unless he is a master of sexual language as well.

Obviously, what sexual topic to talk about in detail will always depend on the level of intimacy one has reached in a relationship. Don’t tell a young woman you have just met that you like your balls kissed… well, normally don’t. No two situations are the same.

To be vulgar is normally not a good approach. On the other hand, an element of surprise can be quite effective. Something that all of a sudden makes a young woman flush. Let’s say, she bought a woman’s magazine, and you look through it, and there is an article on oral sex… ups … that’s interesting, I’d like (to read) that.

You can say something like this in a charming way, and it can still be naughty enough to make her flush. If she does.

Obviously, whether a young woman will flush in such a situation will greatly depend on her cultural background. I am European, but much of my adult life, I have spent in developing countries. A young Asian woman may flush in a situation when a young German woman will show no reaction.

At a later stage, when some intimacy has already been established, for example by kissing and embracing, talk about past experiences. You have to thread a fine line when doing so. Test her reaction by touching lightly on a previous relationship. It has to flow naturally, has to appear spontaneous. “I almost married Susan. Not because I wanted children at that time, but because she always was such good-humor company when she staid overnight at my apartment.”

Just make her interested in Susan, and a slight trace of jealousy will appear. That’s good. It will make her want to possess you, and that’s a step towards love.

You need jealousy, but never overdue it. Profess that you are firmly against playing with the emotions of the person you love, and that you regard it as childish to pretend interest in other women, just to make the one you’re with jealous.

Also, do not show interest in other women. If the one you’re with is sufficiently intelligent, a mechanism of self-protection will set in. Everybody harbors such a mechanism of self-protection, it’s kind of an emotional immune system. “Here somebody just want’s to play with me. That’s not healthy. Better not get too much involved.”

You can talk about previous relationships; you can tell that you were really in love with that woman, the way she smiled, or the way she corrected your table manners (about which you didn’t care). Whenever you say something nice about a previous woman, it will be a little bit painful. And hopefully, your remarks will provoke in her the desire to overtake her predecessor.

You need jealousy, and you need emotional pain. You want her to be more in love with you than she ever was before, and ever will be again. You want her to have absolutely no appetite for anybody else.

Be aware of cultural differences.

When you date a new girl and the next day, an opportunity arises with your business partner’s secretary … will you bypass it?

Depending on what kind of society your in, the girl you date may react similarly or not. If she doesn’t dare to act similarly because you’re in a religious country, it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t have appetite. But even so your own appetite for additional sexual adventures is acceptable to you, you don’t want her to have appetite for other men. You want her to love you, and only you.

A good amount of heart pain is the best medication to destroy any appetite for sexual adventures, and at the same time convinces her that she really loves you.

But as mentioned above, never overdo it, or otherwise, a mechanism of self-protection sets in. Most people won’t suffer indefinitely. They will get over what causes them pain, and will harden emotionally. If you intend to stay on with this woman, don’t hurt her too much, and don’t hurt her by letting her know about other women at the same time. Her reaction will only be to try to bring emotional distance in between the two of you.

Only if you are prepared to leave her, you can let her know about another woman you have a relationship with at the same time. Otherwise, she may later make use of an opportunity for revenge, and then you’re at the receiving end of emotional pain.

If you want to install in her some jealousy without giving her the opportunity to blame you for her heart pain, you can talk about previous women. Another rather effective way is to tell her that somehow, you cannot reach the same level of satisfaction with her as you did with her predecessor. That’s mean, of course, but it will make her suffer, and it will make her love you and desire you all the more. If she doesn’t look through your game, the idea of seeking revenge will not occur, and you can go on for quite some time, without her ever knowing that your remarks about a lack of satisfaction were just strategic.

From man to man, I tell you: be careful. The same techniques work the other way around. If you hear it straight from her mouth that she reached orgasm with your predecessor but with you she can’t, then you will shrink emotionally to about a quarter of your actual weight. You’ll be very hurt, very jealous, and you can’t even blame her.

If, in comparison, you see her with another man, you are also hurt… but you have an easy way out. You can get angry, and you can quit the relationship.

It is much harder to separate if she just tells you that you can’t satisfy her. You can’t blame her because you are the failure. And you can’t leave if she tells you that even though she can’t climax with you, she still loves you (more than the man before who satisfied her).

If, what she says is true, read on. Even though a large number of young women have a hard time to reach a climax, almost all can if the man is smart enough in sexual play.

References:

1 G. Creatsas, Improving adolescent sexual behavior: a tool for better fertility outcome and safe motherhood, International Journal of Gynecology & Obstetrics Volume 58, Issue 1, July 1997, Pages 85-92

2 Tony Coxon, Something sensational The sexual diary as a tool for mapping detailed sexual behaviour, The Sociological Review Volume 36, Issue 2, pages 353-367, May 1988

3 Wendy Macdowalla, Rachael Parker, Kiran Nanchahal, Talking of Sex: Developing and piloting a sexual health communication tool for use in primary care, Patient Education and Counseling Volume 81, Issue 3, December 2010, Pages 332-337

4 Mary Bucholtz and Kira Hall, Language in Society , Language in Society / Volume 33 / Issue 04 / October 2004, pp 469-515

5 Carla J. Groom, James W. Pennebaker, The Language of Love: Sex, Sexual Orientation, and Language Use in Online Personal Advertisements , Sex Roles April 2005, Volume 52, Issue 7-8, pp 447-461

6 Lisa Z. Sigel, Name Your Pleasure: The Transformation of Sexual Language in Nineteenth-Century British Pornography , Journal of the History of Sexuality Vol. 9, No. 4 (Oct., 2000), pp. 395-419